Greetings, fellow shinobi students! Ikaruga here, bringing you all the news you need to know for a safe, orderly and fun academic career. Remember, good shinobi respect their elders’ rules and wishes. Study hard, train hard and fight with honor!

Rated M for Mature by ESRB: Strong Language, Violence, Sexual Themes, Partial Nudity

Enjoy the following opportunities to expand your horizons, experience the rich history of the shinobi world, and connect with your fellow students!

Thursday, April 21st, 10:00 AM: Join Instructor Kiriya on a field trip to the Tokyo National Museum! Immerse yourself in the art, and the arsenal, of our shinobi ancestors. Permission slips due at the front desk on Friday, April 15th, at 3:00 PM.

Saturday, April 30th, 8:00 AM: Volunteers needed for the Little Ninjas’ Safe Shuriken Toss! Jobs include scorekeeping, groundskeeping and snack-selling. Must be able to stand for eight hours and lift 30 pounds. Sign up at the front desk by Monday the 25th at 3:00, then report to the training yard on Saturday the 30th, at 8:00 AM sharp, for orientation and training. “Stay safe, stay stealthy!”

Saturday, April 30th, 4:00 PM: Candy party! First-year student Hibari is hosting a Mr. Bunny sweets festival at her place, complete with a free screening of Mini Moni the Movie: The Great Cake Adventure. Come one, come all!

Friday, May 6th, 7:30 PM: Springtime Shinobi Cinema kicks off the new season with a triple-feature: Sword of Honor, Honor of the Sword, and Sword of the Honorable Swordsman! Come out to the school soccer field, bring blankets and coats, and show your student ID for a 20% discount on tickets and snacks! Show starts at sundown.

Wednesday, May 11th, 3:00 PM: Come audition for the school talent show! The sign-up sheet will be next to the gym doors throughout the day. (Remember, practice weapons only!)

Friday, May 13th, 5:00 PM: Join your fellow students at the Shinobi-za Theater for four straight hours of traditional Noh drama. Tickets are 1000 yen at the door. Good seats still available!

Monday, May 16th, 9:00: We’ll be holding a special morning assembly in the gym to review the school rules of decency and respect. Third-year student Katsuragi has graciously volunteered to recite each one of those rules in painstaking detail, loud enough for the whole school to hear. Attendance mandatory.

Monday, May 23rd-Friday, May 27th: In preparation for the final exams, the gym and training yard will be open 24/7 for all students. Keep your ID with you while you’re there, and please make sure to thank Miss Madoka and Miss Sachi for their hard work on the late shift!

Friday, May 27th, 12:00: Study break! If you’re worn out from cramming for those final exams, come with us to Hanzō’s sushi place for the best futomaki in Japan! Just be on your guard – I have the chef’s personal assurances he’ll be on his best behavior, but with him, you never know…

We’ve gotten a few questions over whether it’s best to keep these reports private, but in the interest of public safety and accountability, I believe it’s best to be transparent with them. Below, please find the full list of last week’s reported infractions:

Monday, 8:52 AM: Reprimanded Katsuragi for inappropriate contact with another student.

Monday, 11:42 AM: Reprimanded Aiya for dress code violation (incorrect color socks).

Monday, 2:11 PM: Reprimanded Katsuragi for inappropriate contact with another student.

Tuesday, 10:48 AM: Reprimanded Chieko for lack of hall pass.

Tuesday, 2:39 PM: Reprimanded Yagyū for inappropriate contact with a fellow student. (Yagyū later clarified that she was “defending Hibari’s honor.” Scheduled a talk with Yagyū after school.)

Wednesday, 9:18 PM: Reprimanded Haru, Kohana and Midori for unsanctioned use of school practice weapons.

Wednesday, 1:51 AM: Reprimanded Katsuragi for inappropriate contact with another student.

Thursday, 8:12 AM: Reprimanded Manami and Sachi for public indecency. (Both claimed that their uniforms had been compromised during a “sparring match.” Investigation pending.)

Thursday, 1:14 PM: Reprimanded Katsuragi for inappropriate contact with another student.

Thursday, 2:29 PM: Reprimanded Tamane and Yuka for unbecoming conduct toward another student. Both agreed to carry said student’s personal effects for a week in lieu of detention and parental notification.

Friday, 8:59 AM: Reprimanded Katsuragi for inappropriate contact with two other students.

Friday, 9:00 AM: Reprimanded Katsuragi for disrespect toward student authority.

Friday, 9:01 AM: Reprimanded Katsuragi physically for continued defiance.

Friday, 9:20 AM: Reprimanded Nurse Moriko for keeping insufficient stock of bandages.

Friday, 9:22 AM: Reprimanded self for excessive profanity.

The shinobi world is a dangerous one. It can be hard to know who to trust or where to turn. Just remember, your elders have lived through it all, and they’re looking out for you, so please take heed of their advice.

We’ve been having more contact lately from other shinobi outside the school, sometimes on official business, other times far from it. If any unknown shinobi should make contact with you, please disengage immediately and inform a faculty member. While some of our new contacts do hail from “good” shinobi schools, not all schools have the same goals or ideals, and any contact with students could be a ploy to gain leverage or information. We all want to make new friends, but keep your wits about you.

Please bring at least one extra set of clothes to each training session, besides the clothes you generate during Shinobi Transformations.

Weapons, even practice weapons, are tools, not toys. Resist the temptation to impress your friends with them, especially your non-shinobi friends.

Our school, and others like it, operate with the blessing of the Japanese government. Please conduct yourselves with the utmost grace and honesty, on and off campus, and do nothing to make the authorities reconsider that blessing.

Lastly, there’s been a disturbing trend among young shinobi lately, as many have been taking “generic-brand medicines” from a web site called “DEATHxKISS.” Please, for your own health and safety, avoid taking anything not prescribed by your doctor, and under no circumstances should you visit www.bitzeni.com/private/misc/01B3A8F3/DEATHxKISS.htm or any other site like it.